Why not?: An Update on Adolf on Movies!

The new one! TEIL 2!

IS CALLED:

A NIGHTMARE ON ADOLF’S STREET.

And here’s a list of the films he’s reviewed thus far:

Fright Night
Elm Street 2
Elm Street 3
Friday 13th Part 6
Poltergeist
Re-Animator
WOLF
Child’s Play
Outrages Fortune
Ruthless People
Fatal Beauty
Jumping Jack Flash
Halloween

SPECIAL:
THE ROOM

And here’s a review:

Fright Night:

Summary:
An ugly upper class American man wears make-up to seduce an underage lesbian girl. Basically 18th century France. A guide to seduce any female with the moody sounds of heavy electronic music on cassette tape. Adolf is quite inclined to this electronic music of the decade lovingly known as the 80’s! My kind of music! Thunderous and moving! (I was asked not to mention Depeche Mode. I won’t lie. Ich liebe Depeche Mode!)

Review:
Nosferatu. America is obsessed with it. Murnau would be elated. I don’t think we ever crossed paths but I saw the film and thought….”Hmm. what scheiße is this!” But it grew on me like a fungus of the toenail after a long cold Russian Winter. I saw it for a fifth time and I realized it was about Joden. So I pardoned the man. It’s only fair.

Americans have a penchant to infantilize art. And this film is no exception. Although. Adolf must say he many a nightmare after that man revealed his chest to that little girl. Nein!

Conclusion:
We shot our mongoloids and missbildung before they could embarrass us. We didn’t wait for it to grow up and move into a stately abode next to some curious junge obsessed with the makaber! But Amerika right? They’ll elect a unmensch if it promised to eat their young at a good price.

I award it 3 out of 5 Holy Grails. Now excuse Adolf while he slips into his Boer freund’s bedroom for a second listen at Musik für die Massen, only Adolf’s second favorite new record after Cybernazi’s Galactic Lebensraum. Adolf has always shown support to sympathizers to the cause! Freies Europa! Deutschland! Deutschland! Über Alles!

– That’s it Adolf. I’m changing the WiFi password!
– Nein! Kobus! Please! Hast du kein herz?!
– Meine German ist swak. Jij wetten dat mos?
– Was ist das?
– Exactly.

 

LOVE.

 

KING KOBI ❤

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Should You Ditch Marvel For DC Comics?

Short Answer?

Uh, Yeah, you should. If you value your time and the amount of money you spent. No, money doesn’t factor into reading modern comics, my research shows me that the majority of people that buy anything Marvel publishes these days are either Spidey fans who only buy it for completionist reasons and YouTubers that like to talk shit about it. But they trash it right after cause it’s worthless and any perceived future value is solely based on past experience. But the truth is in twenty years these issues won’t even be found in $1 bins. They’ll be used to warm up someone’s house, or as fuel for next weekend’s braai. That or, well, at least the cats and dogs will have use for them? Otherwise you’re getting it illegally because you’re too ashamed to ask for that shit in a comic book shop.

The truth is, the 90’s weren’t the dark age, heck, nobody would admit this but they prefer the Chromium Age to most of the things published after Avengers Disassembled. Come on. Don’t lie. You know you do. You even wrote in to a letters page, didn’t you? You loved that shit. And still do. Come on, you’d take Maximum Carnage over any crossover published today. Yeeaah. You can’t lie to me. You’d even take Ben Reilly over One More Day.

We’re in the dark age of comics right now. And it’s quite sad since it seems like the floppies are on their way out. The twilight of classic comic books if you will. And one of the giants going out on a whimper and not a bang.

c03b150cf85d86452ccd22daa17b9d2f--venom-spiderman-spiderman-comic

Long Answer:

I find myself looking back quite regularly. I look at what’s being published now and wonder what went wrong. You see, I found myself indulging in quite a few Captain Cummings videos at the start of this year and for the life of me I just couldn’t grasp why things were the way they were.

I mean, Trump won, right? The majority spoke and he became president. Doesn’t that mean that the majority share the same views as he does? Libertarian, a bit more conservative maybe? Doesn’t this mean that your company needs to adjust a little to accommodate this new shit if you are to continue selling your product? I mean there was a shift in consciousness. I was quite excited. I told myself, we’re going to be getting a lot more traditional action films coming out of Hollywood now. Music is going to change to reflect the new times at least. Maybe more guitar driven? More in line with what came out in the 80’s, maybe? At least we got a new Depeche Mode album? I guess that’s something to be excited about. I mean, it’s no Ultra but at least it’s something, right?
I thought: YES! Captain America and Punisher’s gonna be great. Jesus was I wrong. Well we’re still getting that Punisher show. Something to look forward to. They just 360’d and doubled down on liberal politics. I mean what the hell? How does this make any sense? They turned that shit up to eleven and by the looks of things they’re about to hit twelve. I’ve formed an hypothesis at least.

You know, I always wondered why millennials were so underrepresented in the media. I’d watch these shows and read these comics and wonder about the age of these writers. I mean all of them are between forty and seventy years of age, right? It’s strange to think that a sixty year old is trying to relate with a teenager through their writing. But that’s how it’s always been for the most part. I’d watch these generational comedies and ask myself why the references they’re making are so outdated? They never reference things from my youth. Where’s the Pokémon references? The Playstation or Nintendo or Sega references? You could reference the Turtles at least? I mean, Jesus. We had actors and actresses too you could call upon in jest. The closest we’ve come to that was in Deadpool with the Limp Bizkit reference and the My Little Pony thing.

4661010-0d+aoa2015001_dc61-0

What Is It They Say About Wishes?

 

Oh yeah. That’s right. Apparently millennials are morons. At least those that’s gotten the opportunity to write the books of their youth. Oh who am I kidding? They didn’t grow up watching Batman TAS or Rocket Power. They were watching Andrew Dice Clay going Hickory Dikory Dock and deeming it hugely inappropriate.

This ain’t right. We’re in the twilight of the medium, pretty soon an author won’t even be able to hold their work in their hands, they’d be unable to physically materialize thoughts and ideas onto our plane of existence, we’ll lose the spiritual and esoteric aspects of literature and they’re busy wanking themselves off by (poorly) copying 80’s Chris Claremont with this identity politics nonsense. I mean seriously, there’s some us that dreamt about writing our favorite heroes growing up. You think we’d fuck around like this? No. I mean go out with a bang at least. Jesus.

If Only I’d Known.

I’ll gladly stick with the fucking Happy Days references. I love Elizabeth Montgomery, okay! I think she’s a babe. Who needs the Pink Ranger or Scary Spice? Huh? Not me. Obviously. (“SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK” – Kobi from the future)

As An Aside:

Storm led the X-Men on many occasions. They could have gone with the white chick with the big hair or the dude with the claws but they chose her. Also she wasn’t a stereotype. She wasn’t there as the black chick. She was there cause she was powerful AF. She was a necessity.  Unlike these “sum of their parts” characters you have running around now. Pandering. Come now. You used to be smarter than this.

This Isn’t The First Time Marvel’s Tried To Cannibalize Itself.

I mean we can take it as far back as the sliding time-scale. And then of course when they brought Jean Grey back from the dead they not only completely rendered their single most important story arc in the history of the company useless, but completely devalued and relocated any of the younger “X-Men” teams that sought to replace them in the future to being basically second bananas. The promise of generational X-Men teams became naught by making all of their characters immortal. So no Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure for you. Immortality poses a lot of other story problems as well, of course. This meant that my father’s Wolverine would be my Wolverine – only not. Not to mention Sue Storm – I said that I won’t mention her.

gallery-1497542533-jean-grey-dark-phoenix-destroys-star-planet

Now For That Hypothesis.

This is going to sound a bit out there, but hey, this is Marvel we’re talking about.

Hypothesis 1:

They know something we don’t. Why else would they cannibalize themselves like this? I mean they’re killing off their physical distribution with their policies. Comic book stores that’s been operating for thirty years plus are shutting their doors. Marvel doesn’t seem to care.

This means: This is being done on purpose.
Why would they do this? Why not? They’ve done scalier things in the past with newsstands. They even killed other comic book companies by controlling and stifling distribution to these newsstands.

I don’t wanna say La Cosa Nostra. So I won’t. Business is business.

Gotta keep those investors happy, right?

Look, right now, your LCS exists largely to the benefit of these companies. They are after all, thanks to the 90s, their only real way of distributing physical copies of their comic books. Their distribution network, if you will. Destroy the network and you’re left with only digital. This means, of course, that they’ve finally found a way to (somewhat) accurately gauge the amount of digital sales they make on their titles. Just a few years ago they canceled All New X-Factor because it wasn’t moving any physical copies. They blamed this on those who wait for trades. Which is a bit puzzling since they, along with DC, are basically the ones that pushed the trade culture to begin with. But fans complained, because apparently a lot of them were getting their fix digitally. And according to Peter David – Writer Of Stuff and Ground Zero For The SJW Marvel We Know And Love Today – they had no real way of seeing how many copies were moved. So it wasn’t a viable distribution method at that point in time. But now it is.

And while your LCS used to be a commodity to these big companies, in a digital world where Marvel has a digital store of their own where they can sell/borrow you any comic book they’ve ever published, your LCS becomes part of the problem. You see, while video game stores can exist on retro stock alone, I imagine your LCS will have a little trouble paying the bills with back issues alone. And while they’ll eventually die out naturally, right now, there are many bigger stores that’s more than likely going to weather the full on digital onset better than Marvel thinks.

In a full on digital onset, the physical market will either crash or thrive. They already have a generation that’s never really been inclined to collect. They could use their mother’s Kindle and read it on there. An entire library at your fingertips. It’s going to be an interesting time. High value books moving for next to nothing just to pay the bills? And then what? I’m guessing prices will likely drop to a level they last hit in the mid 70s.

Would it matter that you won’t be able to buy new Marvel comics in store? Are the films enough to sell their comics? I’m not so sure. Maybe the future is indie?

Just like the trade culture of the 2000s, we’re going to see them pushing digital until it’s the only thing their fan base cares about.

Kill the mom and pops, sign exclusive deals with retail stores for TPBs. Regulate.

So, that’s the first hypothesis/conspiracy theory.

The Second Is A Bit More Unwieldy.

They have given up on the publishing game. Well, that or they are going to start following the Netflix model and base longevity on volume sales and pre-orders.

If they’ve given up completely on the publishing of new comics, they are more than likely doing it because they don’t really need to. They make so much money on the Marvel Studios side of things, not to even mention the merchandising and licensing revenues that they don’t even need to write anything new. They could make a hundred films and still have an entire library left to work with.

So if they shut down the publication arm of things, making their library available digitally, they could focus on other more lucrative ventures such as TV and FILM.

But this is easier said than done. They are going to need something to justify this.

And bare with me, but this is how I think they’ll do it.

With the death of Stan Lee. (They’ll wait of course. I’m not saying they’re like the government or something. Or Yakuza or anything like that, of course.)

It’ll be big news. All over the world. Marvel Comics dies with him.

It’s not a thought I write down likely. It just makes sense.

Look, for many he is Marvel. And they might even be right.

So Do I Think You Should Ditch Marvel For DC Comics?

Meh, do whatever you want. I’d take up indies, or European Comics or MANGA.  It’s more satisfying.

Think about what they’ll remember from the pre-Digital, post-Chromium Age?

Most of them will be from DC. Those Nu52 Books started this NuAge after all.

And that’s what it’ll be remembered for. For Joker threatening to use Vaseline intensively on Batman and Robin and for anything else Batman did with Snyder and friends.

That and Humerto Ramos on Spider-Man, cause really, that guy knows how to draw a good villain. And fingers.

ed3ace05de5fc9741a909a318d18fc1f--hobgoblin-marvel-marvel-villains

And fingers.

 

Kobi ❤ 2017

http://zak-site.com/Great-American-Novel/

This Isn’t Some Communist Daycare Center. 

Millennial looking for purpose and something to blame for lack thereof.

Finds YouTube channel preaching about the greatest man who ever lived and his much maligned ideology.

Finds Purpose in either Social Nationalism or Communism.

Learns about “The Enemy”

Finds someone to blame.

Tops over it.

Becomes angry.

Goes to sleep angry.

Gets a tattoo to show how dedicated they are to the cause. Reads books about said Ideology. Watches more YouTube videos on subject. Becomes obsessed.

Hate enters their heart for fellow human beings.

Starts hating society.

Looks for way to change it.

Joins group of like-minded individuals.

Puts on a mask.

Becomes empowered by mask.

Goes to protest.

Adrenalin and Endorphin’s justifies hatred.

Corruption sets in.

Gets invited to violent event.

Gets confronted with decision.

Purpose answers for them.

Punches “Enemy”

Spills blood.

Adrenalin, Endorphin’s and Loud Music justifies actions.

Told they are on the right side of history.

Family becomes concerned.

Goes to bigger gathering.

Things get violent.

Fantasy becomes reality.

More Blood.

Someone dies.

CAPTAIN AMERICA SMASHES HITLER/COMMIES

Fantasy becomes reality.

All over the news.

Told by authority figure that this is war.

Gets doxed.

Life ruined.

Takes another life.

Hitler/Stalin still dead.


KOBI 2017

We are all slaves. Running from an Ideology is sometimes harder than a whip and a couple of vicious dogs. Think. What’s really important?  Remember the 90s. That little kid who sat in front of that TV watching Saturday Morning Cartoons. Did they hate? No. You can’t progress like that. Be happy. Say fuck it.

 

Yeah I hate society. But only cause it basic. I still say fuck it though, I’m smart. I know. I’m the future. And the future is golden.

I don’t give a fuck. That’s me. 27. And fucking free.

As this is the prelude to the release of my brand-spanking-shiny-new-book. That and of course contemplating making this the last book Jakobi Kid ever writes – Yeah? What? So? It’s my life. Back off. – I thought it might be relevant publishing this little piece, if you will, that I wrote right around October last year. I wasn’t gonna. But whatever. Now I’m gonna. My new book is about White Privilege so what do I care? It’s a love song. A fucked up love song for a fucked up girl.

Enjoy. As they say. “Poetry”

Liberal Lover

She’s the mother of ice
On the outside she is
somewhat nice

she gets off on
pretending though
and at home
when she’s
all alone
and no one’s
looking
she’s kind of a
bitch,
but I guess you
have to be a
bitch,
when you’re that
rich,

she’s got an
ACE
up her sleeve
Gepetto’s
number one girl
he won’t
let her lose
face
She’s
got
grace
a resting bitch
face

She’s got a
husband,
but he’s just a
perverted
puppet,
there’s no way he’s
pulling the strings
don’t be stupid to
believe these
things

She’s
killed
She’s
had people
killed
Countries
Killed
Unstable
Destabilized
She’s
a
killer
Queen,
God
must be
drowning
in blood
it’ll rain
for
centuries

she’s so
mean
sex kitten
Killary
she’s
a killing
machine
more Pat Bateman
than
Pat Batman

She’s brought
down towers
cut down
flowers
sat with the
highest
powers
Been the
highest
power

ninety
ninety
six
six
six

Southern
Belle
Witches
Spell
Incantation
Black
Celebration

If she was a few years
younger
And our
paths
somehow did
cross

I’d take her
in that
barnyard
tumble
give her all
the grass root
sex she’d
ever want
she’s the
boss
I’d crumble
for
her
throw on a pale
white sheet
yes
sir!
hear
her cackle
as she
came

Cause strong
women
really
turn me
on
women like that
bad bitches
who just
doesn’t
give
a
fuck

more
balls than
liberal
man
Try your
luck
end up in a black
van

False flags
blame games
gay parades
ugly slags
all for fame
stupid fags
everyone in the first
three rows yeah
you already know
her name

Pity about
the smell though
striking as it is
it’s kind of a
hard
sell.

Luckily for
me
I’m sure
her witch
has a spell
for that
as
well.

JGL Nieuwoudt 2016

Holy Muscle of Love.

I GOT A MUSCLE OF LOVE!

 

me libérer ce soir mon seigneur:

 

me libérer ce soir mon seigneur:

 

I eat.

And

you feed me.

I have a third mouth that’s insatiable

and

yearning.

Androgynous judge creep extraordinarily so.

You judge me with your feminism but you were born a man.

Keep my hand in the pie and my face in the makeup cabinet.

tonight we will see the court.

She smells so nice.

So radiance can be used as a noun.

If I had a hat I would take it off right now,

and

bow

before

you,

my nose touching the ground.

But since I don’t,

permit me

your hand,

so I may pucker up and pay my

respects.

She reminds me of a rock song that used to play on the

radio

when I was a

kid.

A song that would send my parents

screaming.

It was 1973.

But I’m only 23.

And

I must be

dreaming.

Yes,

it’s true,

I can see where no one else

can.

Want to dance?

I nod.

I need no music tonight,

we shall dance on that love at first sight.

Let’s

break for a moment and go for a drink

I’m parched,

Mademoiselle,

may I get you anything?

I bring you a sunflower

and

you bite off its head,

swallowing the sunshine

and

shining once again.

You wanna go upstairs?

She asks as she flashes her eyes.

I don’t know,

I need something to chew on if I’m

to spend the night.

chew on me!

she exclaims

as she pulls me close,

tonight we feast on love

and tomorrow

we drink.

I lower my head

and

steal a kiss,

you may be mystical but I need my sweets.

You dare make me wait?

Mademoiselle,

the longing will make it better,

trust me on this,

I disappear into the crowd

in search of some meat,

A man needs such things if he wishes to bring a lady to her

knees.

Waiter, get me something to

eat,

The lady is waiting and there’s really no time to

speak.

To look at you sir,

I suspect you want to sink your teeth into something

red,

in a matter of speaking,

yes.

I will go to the kitchen and kill you

a pig,

there’s no better

Aphrodisiac

than hearing it

scream.

Well I guess you are right,

I need every ounce of me if I am to

delight.

 

The waiter rushes off and you hear the swine

scream,

The curly veins on its head standing erect as the knife slides

in.

I find her eyes once again,

her hands finding adventure without

me…

Jesus Christ

hurry up,

Aphrodite is here

but

I am without.

The waiter rushes in with raw uncooked

me.

Sire

Forgive

me

I set the oven to high

but time doesn’t seem to be

on our side.

 

There’s no time for that,

give it here,

and

I take the raw meat

and

I bite off an ear.

But sire,

are you mad?

you might get sick,

I need to treat it first with

disinfectant.

I can be sick tomorrow

my green faced friend,

the lady needs a stallion

and I’m just the man.

I throw the meat back on the plate and

rush back up to her.

 

Mademoiselle,

I am ready for the main course

I’ve had my appetizer.

I was lying

and

I had realized she was

right

and

a man

can eat love

and

come out the other side.

Her lighthouses tried to bring me

home

but

tonight

I was going to

war.

We got to the top

and

I found her

door,

I tried to take her right there,

but she unlocked the

door.

La belle femme,

tu

es

tres

tres

belle

and

I thank God those Huguenot sons of bitches found haven

here.

 

What will it be tonight, Mein Herr?

Let’s close the door and find

out…

 

JGLN 2013

Full Contact

I can’t deny the fact that I’ve wanted to neglect this blog like an ex-girlfriend for some time now.

Why you might ask?

Sometimes I just don’t have anything to say…Okay, that’s a lie, I always have things to say but I don’t always want to communicate these thoughts. My mind is a strange and sometimes frightening yet arousing place. It’s complicated. Amusing. In a disingenuous sort of way.

I don’t expect anybody to understand but sometimes I go through things – terrible things – brought on I guess by my own doing if you were to believe the judge, jury and executioner – which also happens to be me – So. I guess it’s chemical as well. But not a good chemical either – Well. That’s debatable. Sometimes it is. – And when I go through said terrible things, I tend to keep to myself. I’m a very private person, you know? Pleasant? Maybe. People seem to like me. Even if  don’t share in their proclivity for my good nature.

This is quite personal. And I mean, why not? Isn’t this supposed to be a diary?

Fuck. I gave up on politics. It was depressing me. Joe Rogan put it the best I think, he said that he thinks that we’re bombarded with so much negativity everyday that we don’t know how to handle it. That’s why we’re always angry.

That’s me, I guess. Angry, Sad, Happy, Mad. Horny. Happy. Frustrated. Mad. Happy.

But I guess that’s everyone else as well, right? I don’t do well with negativity. I try to avoid it as best I can. But it’s hard sometimes. Especially when you can’t escape it.

So you escape. But whether that escape is healthy or not? That’s a question I need to answer still.

Either way,

I’d like nothing more than to take a break. But I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. I spend enough time with myself as it is. The conversations, while lighthearted sometimes tread into dangerous territory.  Uncharted? Not really. I have my moments.

Regicide burns quite hot in my mind. But if you remove the king who will rule over the kingdom? If you delete the crown, will God abandon you or will he just frown?

Questions.

Funny things, aren’t they?

J.

 

Title

 

 

All I wanna do is dance and do drugs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’M NOT HAPPY INSIDE THE MATRIX ANYMORE

Who is your audience?

As a writer you’ll have to ask yourself some hard questions.

Not for me. I’ve always only written for one person. The reason I write is another question altogether. But for whom I write, yeah I know.

You write for?

Myself. I’m my biggest fan. Anything else would be a lie.

You get satisfaction from?

Creating whatever I want. Putting all of these ideas in my head onto a piece of paper and transforming it into something I’m satisfied with.

And that is?

Something fucking awesome of course. What else?

So why do you write?

Because I need to – for now  – I guess? It still satisfies me to. There’s a few other reasons that’s wholly selfish at this point. But as I grow, I desire this to change as well so that there is only my own opinion and perception left to motivate me.

And once it doesn’t?

God help us all.

That moment when you write an entire manifesto and then change your mind.

It’s true.

So, I changed my mind.

Should I re-write the whole thing now?

You probably should

Are you though?

Fuck no lol

You can’t do a Manifesto like that.

I know. And I haven’t. The thing is, I might have gone overboard.

Jesus.

Indeed.  Check this: http://verbmall.blogspot.com/2013/03/boring-boorish-boar_27.html
“The relationship—or supposed relationship—among bore, boor, and boar came up on the program. Boar and bore are homophones, and while boor is pronounced differently, there could be a very slight overlap between bore and boor. A boor can bore you to death.

A boar is a male swine. It tracks back to an Old Saxon word, bêr, which meant swine.

A bore is a tiresome person who causes ennui. It may be connected to the French word bourrer, to stuff or satiate.

A boor is a rude, ill-bred person who lacks refinement. It was based on the Old English búr, short for the Old English gebúr, a farmer or peasant. In turn, that was based on búr, a dwelling, house, or cottage. Boor is cousin to neighbor, which may be translated as near-dweller.

This brings us to Boer, which was a Dutch-speaking colonist in South Africa, especially one engaged in agriculture or cattle-farming. It was based upon the Dutch word boer, a countryman, peasant, or farmer. This is, of course, the word boor in shallow disguise.”

Well, now.

Well yeah…